Yesterday I was driving through a rough part area in Hollywood when a cop put his hand out of his car in a stop like motion. So I stopped. He then proceeded to open his car door hide behind it and aim his gun in the opposite direction. I looked in front of me and there was a man getting out of a red truck aiming his gun at the officer who just happened to be directly 10 ft in front of me. So pretty much he was aiming at me too. There was nothing I could do but duck my head down below the dashboard while the officer yelled at him to put down his weapon and put his hands above his head. I wasn't quite sure if I had stumbled onto a movie set or a taping of cops...... bad boys bad boys what cha gonna do.... But eventually they slammed the guy onto the hood of his truck and cuffed him. I think I just might take fire a gun off my list of 100 things to do before I die. I know there are responsible people out there but its the loony ones who ruin it for all you sane people. I'm now totally anti-gun. I've never been shot at but my Mom, Dad and little brother have been robbed at gun point. I've had to duck in fear of being shot. It's just not worth it.

I recommend you all see an independent film called bowling for columbine if you haven't already. Great movie. Oh and I also rented another independent movie called 10 tiny little love stories. Boys if you can sit through it (yes it gets long) you will come out the other end with a greater understanding of women, no lying. There is also some superb acting in there. #9 being my favorite. Speaking of acting. I've decided that Dan won my contest. He posted his monologues on his website. But true to my word I'm going to advertise his website in my school newspaper. I'll put a link up to the online version as soon as it comes out. Thanks Dan.

It's been a while since I've seen my parents but I sure do love him. Today I was so proud of my father because even though he is in his mid 50's he is still willing to change. I'm proud of him because his character is not static and he allows God to mold him. So here is the email he sent me that made me cry. Who could ask for a better earthly father?

Dear Christina,
Here is my first attempt to keep regular weekly contact with you. I am having a very good time trying to get going here in Uganda. It was really special to hear your voice on the phone. As I said to you earlier we have decided that no matter what we will be back for our Silver Anniversary. We can't celebrate without you, Mark, and Liz being there as well.
There is so much that I would like to talk with you about but I will limit myself to talking about this past weekend. Our AIM conference speakers were Johnney and Becky Long from Sonship for Africa. God really did a wonderful thing during this time. It wasn't a "conference high" or such related kind of experience but it was God bringing together almost 35 years of experience as a Christian (mostly a failed 35 years) into a turn around. Simply I found for myself that I am a great sinner, and every day I am assured that I have an even Greater Savior!! I have lived so much of my life as a "victom," I have as a result never really been able to love truly with the Love of our Lord Jesus Christ.
You have been the most wonderful daughter and I am so, so proud of you. There have been numerous times that I have not showed you the parental and fatherly affirmation that you have needed or deserved. I often am brought back to your graduation at RVA when I did not get excited with you about your Best Actress Award. I really ask your forgiveness for being not only unloving and unaffirming but also for being down right stupid and wrong about the fact that you were the best actress and richly desirved that award. So will you forgive me? Can we be excited together now?
Anyway I have more to say and we will talk weekly (by the grace of God) about anything that comes.
Much Love and Grace to you,
You Daddy (1 Tim 1:15-17)

I despise this fallen nature of mine.

I hate my diminished capacity to understand.

I hate that my lust, my laziness, and my selfishness killed you.

Why when I was created, like Eve, to walk with you do I keep chasing your shadow.

Sometimes I clench my hands until my fingers turn white just trying to grasp the concept of eternity.

Sometimes I leave fingernail makrs in my palms when I try to comprehend waht it means to be Holy.

I know in my head but not my soul tht with much wisdom comes much responsibilty.

Maybe my soul knows I couldn't handle truly knowing you.

But that is what I was created for.

I just keep banging my head against the wall.

It feels so great to have my car back. I drove a lot today just because I could. So today I just wanted to say hi to Mark cause I realized I talk to him constantly but I never write about him. Here's to great friends. Wether on the phone or in the same room having you to talk to keeps my head on straight sometimes. Thanks Mark. Oh and don't forget I need a monologue any suggestions, writings, musings are welcome.

Announcing Chrissy's perfect monolouge quest. Ok guys I've been searching for the perfect monolouge for auditions for some time now but I just can't find it. I'm going to make this a contest in the hopes that someone will actually write me something. I'm looking for 1-2 minutes of speaking but also enough movement to show how my character would move. Now here's the kicker. I'm 5'2 blonde with blue eyes and a very sugary sweet voice but I want to play a complex character for once. I'm sick of Juliet. I'm sick of Bianca. I want to play Kate for once. Or a lover scorned oh that'd be fun. Here's your insentive to write and to tell your friends to write, I'm going to advertise your blog as a suggested blog to read when I write a column about Blogging in my school newspaper. You'll be famous all over southern California. Ok so its not much of an reward but I'll be really thankful. Post your entries under my comments or email them to me at chrissybarany@hotmail.com I'll post the good stuff on my blog. Thanks guys

I'm tired but I can sleep well because I can lay my head down knowing tomorrow I have enough food to eat. Tomorrow I'll wake up with my car in the repair shop but at least I have a car. Tomorrow I have Nicole there to talk to. Tomorrow my parents will still love me if I fail out of school. In the morning I can hand in those applications for a full time job I've been putting off. Tomorrow I could just sleep in and savor the feeling of flannel sheets against my naked skin. I could wake up and decide to open my vertical blinds to the morning sun. There is no one who can take tomorrow's options from me, so I'm going to bed peacefully knowing that tomorrow is mine.

Ok tonight is retro blog number two and then I swear I'll go back to normal. This is my journal from my first day of first grade. Excuse my spelling but I was just learning.

I met the giy of my lif the first tim I wakt in my new clas rome Zak I Fond out wen the techr red the atendiss and boy oh boy we have asind sets rit nist to ech uthr aftr a wek I fouwnd a Best frend Her name was mashel
(something illegable)... Finle the big one Mashl askt howe my boy frend was I thot fore a MoMint and this is wat I Thot If I tell hre wil she kepe it a Sekret or will She tell Well I trast her Wel I mad up my minD ops I mad a mastak She told evreone in the hole shcool PriDie son He was calling me short stuf wich I thik is a Love sin so I dont minD

He he I didn't know how to punctuate. But I sure remember Zak........ phew short stuff isn't a bad pet name. Ok I'm over reliving the memories now.

I was talking to Dan ealier today about our old journals and I came up with an idea. I'm calling it retro blog. Here is what I wrote in my journal On January 13 1997 I was 15 years old. This was written in my dorm room at Rift Valley Academy in Kijabe Kenya. Anything in brackets I added in today to help you understand.

We went to the fern forest today. It was so cool. I felt like I was on vacation in the rainforest. Fiona and I tried to catch frogs, and we got left behind. We had to run for a while to catch up. I was falling asleep in AIC (Sunday morning church service in Swahili). Miss Tuten (my math teacher with an unfortunate name) had some friends along and this one guy kind of took a liking to her (we used to love playing matchmaker with our teachers). I thought he was kind of a cutey too. If I were older. Jon's back(my crush at that point in life came back from spending the weekend at home with his family). I said hi to him and mike. I helped Nikki (my current roomate) study for her bio test, and I hope she does well. She's really trying. I'm almost done with Great Expectations. I built the fire tonight because I'm so sick of cold water(we had to build and stoke the fire at night to have warm water to shower with in the morning) . It took me almost an hour so I hope its hot in the morning.

My life has really changed since then...... I sure miss stoking the furnace at night though.

I'm having empty nest syndrome. It's hard to do without ever having had any children, but my houseguests are gone and I don't have anyone to drive somewhere or clean up after, drink with or sit in the hot tub with. I usually I'm an introvert but the last three weeks I've loved having people fill every moment of my life. Life seems so much more worth while when its full of others.

Do you think its truly possible to fall in love with someone who is completely opposite of you? I know opposites attract, but I'm talking we disagree on everything. We'd probably drive each other insane but I'm really attracted to his different view on life. Its like I want to know what its like to live in his mind for a change. Maybe I'm not attracted to him maybe I just want to be him.......

Don't see Gangs of New York. Really don't waste your money. The plot was over an hour and a half before the film actually ended rolling and there was more gore than texas chainsaw massacre 3. Cameran Diaz was way better in there is something about Mary. In this movie she plays a whore who kisses in the most painful biting animal way you can imagine. The fight scenes reminded me of something from SNL where blood come spurting out of hose hidden in the guys shirt sleeve. I mean there are Brave heart fighting scenes (rating 10) and then there was Gangs of NY (rating 2). Ok so don't see the movie.

I just realized that all my best friends live their lives set to music. Amber my best friend starts singing show tunes or the lighthouse family every time you say a word that has some musical association in her head. My roomate Nicole can't live without a constant thumping in the background. I'm always attracted to musicians and dancers, guys with rythm. You can tell so much about a person by the music they're living in. I think mine is a mix of Third eye blind and pop techno like venga boys. I'm not too sure what this says about me but I'm happy with my soundtrack.