I despise this fallen nature of mine.

I hate my diminished capacity to understand.

I hate that my lust, my laziness, and my selfishness killed you.

Why when I was created, like Eve, to walk with you do I keep chasing your shadow.

Sometimes I clench my hands until my fingers turn white just trying to grasp the concept of eternity.

Sometimes I leave fingernail makrs in my palms when I try to comprehend waht it means to be Holy.

I know in my head but not my soul tht with much wisdom comes much responsibilty.

Maybe my soul knows I couldn't handle truly knowing you.

But that is what I was created for.

I just keep banging my head against the wall.