Nyssa and Savanah

savanah2
Originally uploaded by ChrissyBarany.

Christmas Eve

So baby Shamu was born a few days ago I'm so excited I'm going to Seaworld next week! I get to see baby shamu! Even more exciting is the birth of Savanah Grace Wood. Again I'm a bit slow about the news but my friend Wendy Wood just had a baby girl. I couldn't resist buying her little tights with lace on the butt. Sure wish they had those in adult sizes. Well Congrats to Wendy and her perfect little girl. Hope I get to do some babysitting in a couple months.

Technically its Christmas Eve and to celebrate I'm getting myself DSL. No more dial up connections and busy signals for me. I know I'm slow on the up take but I'm making progress now. I've never seen so many bored and clueless men in the mall before. I wasn't shopping. I just went to the mall to walk and get out of the house and it was funny just to watch how unhappy people are to buy presents for others. The line in Bath and Body works was outrageous!

Christmas is upon us... flee the mall...

Weight of the World

To anyone who may read this I need some prayer tonight. I feel under attack lately. Satan knows every last weakness I have and has left me with no peace. He keeps telling me the wieght of the world is on my shoulders because he knows I'll try to carry it alone.Thats not to say I'm doing anything incredibly important lately but I can't sleep well anymore because even in my dreams I have to save everyone from genocide, murderers, and the like. Its just that I need to give up the reigns in my life. Pray that I'll let God take control because the stress of this power struggle makes me take runs at 1:30 in the morning, attack trees, and lose sleep. There is something satisfying however about running past a bunch of drunks stumbling home on a Saturday night.

The Tree

I attacked the tree on my front porch today. With all the wind lately its been blowing back and forth in its little pot like it was about to blow over. I finally got so fed up with it I went out there with a ladder and a pair of scissors and attacked it. I just kept cutting at it and breaking off branches until my fingers were bleeding and and my head and arms were covered in sticky itchy white sap. I don't know what kind of built up tension I had but nothing ever felt so good and so painful at the same time as tearing apart my tree. Its half the size now as it was before and I have itchy red poison ivy style spots up and down my arms and I couldn't be prouder.

Closer

I wondered why the title of the movie was Closer until I saw it. Now I think maybe it means the movie is supposed to be closer to real life or non Hollywood than other movies. That could just be my opinion but I sure hope real life isn't like that. You see I haven't had my soul completely crushed yet. I still believe life is supposed to be great and love will be everlasting. I don't want to believe Closer and think real life is people floating from one "love" to the next looking for the newest thrill. I don't want to believe that love is completely selfish. I've said it before but I refuse to believe that divorce is ever an option. My review of Closer is that it wants to crush the soul so don't let it have yours! But I do have to say that there is a rather funny instant chat scene in it. Who knew you could learn words that aren't in the dictionary.

A Little Update

I figured it was time for a little update. Now if I could just figure out how to get my 100 things list back on my site I'd be content. I wore a platinum blond wig to the mall on Saturday because the middle school kids I work with were doing a staff hunt at the mall. Their goal was to find me so I tried not to look like me. The result is that I learned men like platinum blondes. I got hit on/ stared at more in one day than I did in the last month. Its enough to make me dye my hair brown.

Praise the Lord! I'm going to Bosnia at the end of April. I've been so excited to share with the gypsy kids there how much God loves them. Only I've been wondering how I'll ever have enough money to pay for this trip. I printed out prayer letters yesterday and was going to share them with the people I volunteer with tonight but forgot to bring them. Without even having the letters with me two of the people I volunteer with asked if they could help support me! I just can't help but say thank you Jesus. I'm learning not to doubt you. Its so encouraging to know other people see that you can use me.

I'm sitting here thinking about motivation tonight. Trying to pick apart where my motivation or lack there of comes from. I think apathy is the devils best friend. Its not a new idea. We've all heard that idle hands are the devils playground. I'm starting to literally hear the battle in my head lately. As I get out of bed and reset my alarm a little voice says one more hour won't hurt anyone. As I switch on the tv I rationalize I'll just watch part of a show while I eat but I end up sitting there for hours. As I keep putting off my homework and the photos I could be taking. Something inside me wants to be great. To live up to my full potenial again. I know I'm capable of functioning on 6 hours of sleep. I know I'm capable of running 5 miles. I know I'm capable of performing on stage. I know I'm capable of taking amazing photos. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Only I guess I don't have enough faith to claim that promise because somehow I'm letting Satan lure me into apathy.

Oh to be my own mountain
to understand the vastness of the world
secure upon my proud rock.

Oh to be my own well
to sustain my life and
quench my cracked depths

Oh to be my own lifes breath
to push and blow never still
my motivation to soar above all

Woe I am my own hole
a cavern needing you to be
my mountain, my well, my wind, my soul

I'm sad I just finished a great book. "I Know This Much is True" I love when you get immersed in a books world. Your imagination running nonstop. You create the characters faces, how their apartments look, what type of clothes they wear. I couldn't put this book down and now I feel sad that its over. Sad that I have to admit that dreamland never existed. I either need a new book or I need to get a life.