Today and discovered that naked bread throwing is now an art form. At the Seattle art museam I saw an exhibit, or movie really of a group of 20 naked people chanting while throwing bread at another naked guy who happened to be sitting in a chair. Then for the finaly the only attractive non-saggy naked girl in the movie cracked an egg over his head. Then they all followed him outside still chanting to roam the streets throwing bread and scaring people. I want to know who the hell gave this guy a grant to bless the world with his art. Tomorrow is my last day in Seattle. I've had such a wonderful time just playing cards, scrabble, and bakeing cookies with my brother and sister in law. I love the fact that we're all so close in age. My brother is 22 and his wife is just a month older than me. So we can have fun together. But I sure am glad that they are the married ones and not me. We even started a new tradition this year. From now on we're pitching a tent in the living room. We decided that it was something we alwayse wanted to do as kids but no one would let us. Most of the time we couldn't even build a fort with the couch cushions. So now at christmas time we get to live out our childhood fantasy of having a fort in the living room!

I embraced the place where we had our first kiss,

without you I just held an imposing tree.

I'm sleeping in the city where my best friend lives,

without her its just another big city.

I want to remember what it feels like to live

but I'm so alone I can't breathe.



I went to the club where we got on stage to dance.

That night when we fell asleep still dancing.

I laid in the sand where we heard the night wind

and your guitar give rise to the morning.

Now I'm trying to remeber what it feels like to live

but I need to hear you breathing.

Ok so I just had to post twice today because IT RAINED TODAY! I'm not talking drizzle it downpoured for a good 3 hours. I didn't want to sit around the house all day so I went to the gym and ran in circles for a mile until the super glue holding my ancient sneakers together came undone. There are windows all along the track and it was hilarious watching all the suits and dresses from the office building across from me run by with with papers over their heads and scowls on their faces. It looked pretty fun outside so I decided to take of my shoes and run home in the rain. Then I decided it wouldn't be such a good idea to leave my car at the gym. Instead I drove home and then ran barefoot around my apartment building. Just when I thought I was insane I ran past the hot tub and met a kindred spirit. His name is Ivan. I remembered Ivan because he works at Krispy Kreme with my ex roomate Rachel. Last time he gave me my change and asked if I wanted my reciept I said no. So instead of throwing away my reciept he made it zoom back and forth in front of my face. It was very similar to a mom trying to get her kid to eat peas by making the spoon into an airplane. He then tried to force feed me my reciept. So I definately rememberd Ivan. Ivan was sitting in the hot tub. As the freezing rain gushed down all around us there were billows of steam rising off the surface of the water. Since I was already soaked I thought what the hell and got in too. We talked for about an hour and I watched him practice holding his breath on the bottom of the hot tub and do handstands for another hour or so. He reminds me of a grown up child. I asked him why he likes the hot tub so much and he said "I just like it in the rain becasue I like the color of the sky and the way the rain hits my face its so beautiful." Coming from anyone but Ivan that would have been the biggest bullshit line I ever heard. But the grin on his face the entire time he was playing like a five year old in the rain made it very apparent that he was genuine. I can honestly say I have never met anyone so simple, content, or hopeful as Ivan. Joy is contagious. Go play in the rain.

In my ongoing endevour to better myself I made a list about 4 years ago of 100 things I have to do before I die. Well actually I've only come up with 69 so far. Interesting number..... I'm leaving 69-100 for when I'm older. I'm sure they'll be some new stuff out by then like a weekend vacation to mars or something. But here are 1-69 soon to become a permanent feature on this blog. I have accomplished the ones in bold Italics(I couldn't get the strike through to work).

1. Go White water rafting on the Nile
2. Audition for a professional play or film 
3. Write my own screenplay
4. Organize all my poetry into one book
5. Get down to 120 lbs
6. Make my own set of dishes on the pottery wheel (I’ve finished a tea set but that’s not to easy to eat off of)
7. Backpack across Australia
8. Grow closer to God daily (an ongoing struggle)
9. Go scuba diving
10. Bring someone to Christ (has happened in the past but this is an ongoing goal)
11. Celebrate New Years in Time Square
12. Learn another language (that would make 3, parlez vous francais?)
13. Take a tour of the white house (what was I thinking? Some of these are quite old)
14. Attend an awards ceremony i.e./ Grammies, Tonys
15. Go to a Dave Matthews concert
16. Be able to do the splits again (I’m so close…thank you yoga)
17. Get my drivers license
18. Take dance lessons again
19. Go on a short-term missions trip
20. Send my Parents on Vacation
21. Paint a wall or a piece of furniture in my house (when I have my own house)
22. Go to Ibiza
23. Get a full spa treatment
24. Invent an infomercial product (there are big bucks to be made)
25. Read War and Peace
26. Ride in a train
27. Explore the Amazon Rainforest
28. Read the whole Bible 
29. Whiten my teeth
30. Get married (I'm am doubting this one this was a former goal when I was about 18 years old. But since its on the list I may just have to get hitched anyway)
31. Have a baby (also doubts)
32. Float in the Dead Sea
33. Stay a night in a castle (a real castle… I’m talking a bit creepy cold and stone somewhere in Ireland or something.)
34. Go to Mardi gras
35. Get a strictly volunteer job
36. Draw a self-portrait
37. See the inside of the Sistine Chapel ( I was formerly deprived by a gypsy stealing my dad's wallet, we spent the day in the policia station)
38. Snorkel the Barrier Reef
39. Eat frog legs (they really do taste like chicken… soft squishy chicken)
40. Go on a roller coaster (I’m proud to announce I’m almost over my fear of coasters I’ve been on 6 coasters since I wrote that goal! Count them 6!)
41. Kiss someone on New Years Eve
42. Play in a room full of balloons (It just sounds fun)
43. Spend an entire week alone (preferably somewhere beautiful like on top of a mountain, I haven't chosen the mountain yet)
44. Be in a movie as an extra or an actress (watch for the up and coming Charlie’s Angels 2 or Freaky Friday)
45. Go snow skiing or snowboarding
46. Live through a natural disaster i.e./ earthquake, flood (Seattle earthquake 2001)
47. See the Hollywood sign
48. Finish my rainbow brite collection (I'm a die hard fan)
49. Track gorillas in the wild (hi my name is Jane goodall)
50. Get my bachelors degree 
51. Learn to water ski (I can never stay up for longer than 10 seconds)
52. Fire a gun
53. Have a piece published in a magazine
54. Take Ben and his best friend on a vacation (that would be my little brother)
55. Kiss a boy with a tongue ring
56. Go to a rave
57. Turn off my TV for a month (movies included)
58. Frame a photograph I took
59. Ride in a hot air balloon
60. Take a cruise
61. Go rock climbing (done the repelling part but I need more upper body strength)
62. Got to South Africa
63. Dance in bubbles ( you know those clubs where they fill it full of foam?)
64. Join the screen actor’s guild
65. Eat dog (I really hate dogs but I bet they'd taste good)
66. Be a virgin until I get married
67. Mentor a child
68. Go parasailing
69. There is one thing I've omitted from my list that I'm wholly embarrassed to admit.............

I dropped Rachel (my roomate and friend of 7 years) off at the airport today and as I hinted in yesterday's attempt at writing I hate saying good bye. I've said good bye to way too many people in my life that I know I'll never see again. If only Rachel's parents new that not everyone in LA is a rapist and we're not going to pump their precious daughter full of heroine. The worst part about her leaving is my laziness when it comes to keeping in touch with people. Instant messenger is cheap. Eventually I stop emailing and messaging people. When I think about all the people I swore I'd keep in touch with when I graduated from boarding school I feel so empty. The friends I lived with, tried to eat cafeteria food with, snuck out of the dorms at night with, kissed, yelled at and, copied homework from I don't even know where half of them live anymore let alone what their favorite new song is. Maybe I'll spend all night calling each one just to figure out what their favorite sitcom is now that we're allowed to watch tv. I'd like to ask Janelle ChinChen what kind of clothes she's wearing now cause the girl changes styles every month. I want to know if Jon Shaw has written his screenplay yet, and I want to know why Amy ever wants to talk about anything except the wheather. Seriously are you hiding something Amy or do you just really like knowing how hot it is in CA?

arrrrrrgggggg My computer shut down and I just lost everything I wrote....... something about my roomate moving out tomorrow..... sad...... my life is a trail of saying goodbye to people......sad......I have plans for new years.... . not so sad........ good night. I'll try again tomorrow.

I just payed all my bills and once again I can't help but feel cheated. I had money and now its gone. I really don't like this system we've got going on in America. Seriously when you write a check they take money out of your bank account. What's up with that. It's just a little piece of paper with your signature on it. If anyone who doesn't know me is reading this I work for a casting agency called central casting. You might have seen me on Scrubs? ER? The Division? No? Well I'm the one in the backgroud who never says anything and looks really generic so you could have overlooked me pretty easily. I got rejected by the West Wing and Crossing Jordan today so that was fun. That means I get to make $0 tomorrow and I feel rejected. On a way happier note I got to talk to my mom today. This doesn't happen to often because my family lives in Uganda. I could hear all the birds in the background because it was sunrise over there when she called. It's crazy my mom is such a bird watcher I could recognize the birds just by hearing their voices. I couldn't stop smiling picturing her sitting in our living room in Uganda watching the sun come up and looking for new birds with her binoculars in hand. I imagined the rickety treehouse in the backyard that my little brother and I tried to build over the summer and I was picturing him still in bed all fuzzy and warm looking with creases in his dirty face. Now I'm picturing my Dad who has to sleep with a breathing machine hooked up to his face so he won't drive my mom insane with his snoring. He looks like a paranoid american afraid of bio-terrorists when he sleeps. I miss my family so much. It's amazing how just the sound of Ugandan birds at sunrise conjures up so many memories.

Amazing how I have the most time to write while I'm in class. I guess it is a freelance writing class so this is good practice. I was talking to a very trusted mentor today and she asked me what I was waiting for. I got a puzzeled look on my face and honestly had no idea what she was talking about until she told me. I've got people I want to be closer too, I've got internships I want to apply to, there are photo's I'm dieing to capture, poems clogging up the back of my mind, and freelance stories to be written. I'm just chicken I guess. I'm afraid my pictures aren't good enough I'm afraid my stories aren't good enough and most of all I'm afraid to let myself feel to deeply about anyone. But C.S. Lewis Reminds me "No one in his senses would deny that being in love is far better than either common sensuality or cold self centerdness."
Well I'm going to put an end to one of the things I've been putting off. Here's an in class mini poem by Christina Barany

I'm a closet hopeless romantic
I'm an extra wanna be star
I'm a photographic genius
hiding behind a locked up heart.

Thank goodness for friends who tell you about cool stuff like blogging. I'm actually in class right now which might clue you in to how productive this class has been. Luckily the semester is almost over and I actually do feel like I learned something in one of my classes. In anthropology class my teacher told me that anthropologists have never found a people group that has no concept of God. How awesome is that! No where on this planet is there someone sitting there with no idea that there is someone bigger than them. Even if they refuse to acknowledge him. He's there. God said we would all be held accountable because all of creation testifies to it's creator and its true. There is not one person who has no concept of their creator.